For the past year I have wanted to start a blog. I am at a point in my life where I need to hold myself accountable and DO IT! I am a young wife and mom of 3 beautiful children. Seven years ago at 18 years old, I married my best friend and since then, we have welcomed three beautiful children into our lives.
At our wedding I weight 165lbs and was a size 10. I was comfortable, but not quite confident with how I looked. I never was able to get lower than 165lbs. I have lived my life fast and I am ready to slow it down a notch and take care of me. The majority of my family is overweight or obese. I feel I need to set an example of healthy living for our children so they can break that mold as they grow up. I am going to try to tackle my mental and physical health hand in hand.
I have suffered from depression and anxiety for about 3-4 years now. When I realized I wasn't "happy" anymore I went to see my family practice doctor. I wasn't sure what was wrong. I went into the clinic thinking my thyroid levels were all over the place because of a strong family predisposition. I tried to tell her, "I'm not depressed, I don't feel sad. I just can't get happy or excited about anything." I took the doctor's questionnaire and she assured me she thought it was just "Situational Depression". Short term. That seemed to soften the blow and she prescribed me Celexa. As time went on, I wasn't noticing any progress, they just kept doubling the dose. I found myself several months pregnant with my second child and hoping he would just stay in my belly. I wasn't excited for him at all. I had stopped my meds for fear of harming the baby and I was in a deep, dark depression. During my third trimester the doctor convinced me to go back on Celexa because my depression could affect my baby worse than the medicine could. I suffered several months after the birth with depression and sadly missed the excitement of all the "firsts" that my husband and I had enjoyed with out firstborn. After talking to my mom about my frustration, I went and saw a doctor that my mom used to take me to as a child and that she currently saw for her own depression. I took this new doctor's questionnaire and her face said it all. She told me my questionnaire came out with the results that I was suffering from severe depression...SEVERE DEPRESSION! What? The questionnaire was right, I was way further under than I let myself believe. She switched me to Zoloft and put me on a very high dose. In a few short weeks, I felt so much better. I felt like a normal human being. I was able to enjoy my third pregnancy and even get excited about all the milestone's my baby was achieving. When I got pregnant with our third child, I weighed 205 pounds and at delivery I weighed 234lbs. A few weeks following delivery I was just 6lbs shy of my pre-pregnancy weight and suddenly it halted. Then as it always did the weight crept up and up and up. My third child is now 6 months old and I weigh 230lbs and wear a size 18. I'm not sure if it was the frustration of the weight gain, but suddenly, I didn't feel like my anti-depressants were working anymore. I went to the doctor (of course they doctor that had helped me took a job across the country!) and they switched me to a measly dose of Prozac and that made it even worse. I just stopped taking it. I have decided that I am through seeing a Family Practice doctor for my depression/anxiety and am now on a waiting list to see a Psychiatrist.
I need to make a change, and the excuses have to be over. I need to change my life. My desire for this blog is that it holds me accountable and maybe in some way, help people who may be struggling with the exact issues I am. I used to be very ashamed of my depression diagnosis, but now I realize it is a disease not unlike Diabetes.
Hang on for this ride, because it could get bumpy...and sometimes very ugly!
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